Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
