The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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