i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
