covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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