I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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