I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
