I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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