i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
