dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
