mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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