Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize