i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
