I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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