I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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