It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
