he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Randomize
