it wasn't lemon gatorade
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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