I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize