Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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