Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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