your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize