alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
