How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
