Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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