apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
