Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize