i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She bit a glass in half.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
