dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
