So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize