Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
