So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
