my sisters under your porch take her home
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
