my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
