Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize