OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
