i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
