Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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