belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
