maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
