He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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