You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
