my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
