OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
