You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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