Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So squirting runs in the family.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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