question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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