Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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