I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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