I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was like eating out sand paper
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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