1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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