I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize