Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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