I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
