yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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