please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
