also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
