Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
