so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize