i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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