so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
