Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
