I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
