Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We got so high we made milksteak
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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