if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
