He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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